CHAPTER XVII.

REFLECTIONS. — VISIT TO WASHINGTON. — VISIT TO RAINSFORD ISLAND. VIEWS OF DEATH. - REFLECTIONS.

FROM memorandum-book of property, December 31, 1835:

"My expenses have been

thousand dollars this year; of

which about one half went for persons and objects that make me feel that it has been well expended, and is better used than to remain in my possession. God grant that I may have the disposition to use these talents in such manner as to receive at last the joyful sound of Well done!'"

On March 29, 1836, Mr. Lawrence writes:

"My anxiety for a day or two about little things kept me from the enjoyment of those bright scenes that are so common to me when not oppressed by any of these may be events. My nerves are in such a shattered state, that I am quite unfit to encounter the responsibilities incident to my station, and I am ashamed of myself thus to expose my weakness."

During the spring, Mr. Lawrence's health was so feeble, and his nervous system so shattered, that a journey was recommended; and, in the month of

May, in company with his friend and pastor, the Rev. Dr. Lothrop, he paid a visit to his brother Abbott, at Washington, then the representative in Congress for Boston. During this journey, he experienced a severe illness, and was shortly joined by Mrs. Lawrence. The visit to Washington extended through several weeks: and, although his health remained feeble and the weather unfavorable, he seems to have been alive to objects around him, and interested in what was going forward in the halls of Congress as well as in the society of the capital. He speaks of visits to the houses of Congress, and pleasant rides on horseback, 66 with hosts of agreeable companions ready to sally forth when the weather shall permit.' He also takes a survey of the general state of society in Washington, with an occasional allusion to some particular personage. He writes:

"It used to be said that Washington and the Springs were the places for matrimonial speculations. I feel a natural dislike to a lady being brought out as an extraordinary affair, having all perfections, and having refused forty-nine offers, and still being on the carpet. It shows that she is either very silly herself, or has very silly friends, or both. Good strong common sense is worth more than forty-nine offers, with any quantity of slaves, or banknotes, or lands, without it.

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"I have passed two hours in the Representatives' Hall and Senate Chamber to-day. I heard the usual sparring, and confess myself greatly interested in it. I could learn nothing of the

merits of any of the questions; but I had a preference, such as one feels in seeing two dogs fight, that one should beat. It was very agreeable to me to see and hear those various distinguished characters, and goes to demonstrate the common saying, that some objects appear smaller by our getting nearer to them."

During this absence, one of his family remaining at home had experienced a light attack of varioloid; and, according to the law then in force, was obliged to be transported to the Quarantine Hospital, situated in Boston Harbor. Soon after Mr. Lawrence's return from the South, he paid a visit to Rainsford Island, on the invitation of Dr. J. V. C. Smith, then Quarantine Physician, and there passed some weeks very pleasantly, riding about the island on his horse, and watching, from the shores, the sea-views, which, with the passing ships, here afford an endless variety.

In August, he returned to his own house in Boston; and, on the 21st, writes to his sister as follows:

"The scenery in front, side, and rear, and all within, is unrivalled, except by the charms of the dear old home of my mother and sister; in short, it seems to me that no two spots combine so many charms as my early and present homes; and they impress me more fully now by my being so well as to enjoy not only natural scenery, but the social intercourse with loved ones, that more than compensate for anything I may have lost by sickness and suffering. I yesterday was on horseback nearly three hours, but did not ride more than ten miles; and, in that distance, I went over some scenes that I felt unwilling to leave, especially

some of the old works on and near Dorchester Heights, for they appeared more interesting than ever before, from the circumstance of your showing me that mass of original letters from Washington, Hancock, Samuel Adams, and various other revolutionary characters, to General Ward; some of them touching the occupation of these heights sixty years ago, and some of them alluding to scenes which have scarcely been noticed in the published histories of those days. All go to show, however, the whole souls of those men to have been engaged in their work; and, further, how vain it is for us of this day, who are ambitious of distinction, to found it on any other basis than uprightness of character, purity of life, and the active performance of all those duties included in 'the doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly.' How few of us remember this! I hardly know when I have been more forcibly impressed with a plain truth than I was yesterday, while sitting alone on horseback, on the top of the redoubt on Dorchester Heights, and the considerations of the past, the present, and the future, were the subject of my thoughts, connecting the men of those days with the present, and the men of these days with the future. The evidence is irresistible, that there is a downhill tendency in the character of the people, which, in sixty years more, will make us more corrupt than any other enlightened nation so young as ours, unless we are checked by adversity and suffering. But this is not what I intended to write about, so I will go to something else. The old revolutionary documents, memorials of our father, never appeared to me so interesting as now; and those I now return to you will be carefully preserved, and such others as you may find, added to them. I would give a great sum of money, if by it I could get all the documents I used to see when I was a child, and which we thought of so little value that we did not preserve them with that care which should

have been used in a family which cherishes such deep feelings of respect and affection for parents."

The year 1837 will be remembered as one of great pecuniary embarrassment and distress in the commercial world. Mr. Lawrence alludes to it as follows, on May 13

"The violent pecuniary revulsion that has been anticipated for more than a year has at length overtaken this country, and is more severe than our worst fears. In addition to the failure of people to pay their debts, in all sections of the country, for the last two months, the banks, from Baltimore to Boston, and probably throughout the Union, as fast as the intelligence spreads, have suspended specie payment, and will not probably resume again very soon."

On December 17 of the same year, he writes to his mother as follows

"This day completes thirty years since my commencing business, with the hope of acquiring no very definite amount of property, or having in my mind any anticipation of ever enjoying a tithe of that consideration my friends and the public are disposed to award me at this time. In looking back to that period, and reviewing the events as they come along, I can see the good hand of God in all my experience; and acknowledge, with deep humiliation, my want of gratitude and proper return for all his mercies. May each day I live impress me more deeply with a sense of duty, and find me better prepared to answer his call, and account for my stewardship! The changes in our family have been perhaps no greater than usual in other families in that