Female tumblers-athletes,
Performing strange feats;
Quack doctors, rogues, thieves, and beggars, are
Some, pity exciting;
Some, squabbling and fighting:
Here are scenes of all sorts, grave, gay, sad, or humorous.
Dame Kuo having seen all the sights of the fair,
And drank as much tea as her stomach could bear ;-
Besides buying fairings for each of her maids,
Such as hair-pins and ear-rings, tags, tassels, and
braids,
Climbed into her cart and returned to Peking,
Well pleased with her trip to the fair at Hsi-ting.
In the first month we keep up the Dragon-Boat Feast;*
The sun, at this time, always sets in the east;
Temples are never built facing the south;†
(How glibly a crammer slips out of one's mouth!)
A stout man is one with no flesh on his bones;
Singing is sighing commingled with groans.
Fasting and praying, or doing good deeds,
If indulged in, to all sorts of wickedness leads.
* This festival really occurs on the fifth day of the fifth month.
You cannot make oil out of hempseeds or beans;
The beggar's a person who lives on his means;
A rich man is one who works hard for his bread,—
At daybreak we usually go off to bed.
Tinder's a difficult thing to ignite:
Dogs love to bask in the sunshine at night :
Charcoal's a fruit which makes capital pies;
Truth is language consisting entirely of lies.
In the second month all vegetation decays;
What people term censure, is nothing but praise.
At midnight the sun is high up in the sky,
And the swallows to northern climes rapidly fly.
Rivers and streams always flow to the west :*
Bad things are good, but the worst is the best.
Brimstone's a dainty-it's best when it's boiled;
Hinges, to work well, should never be oiled.
A soldier's chief duty is drawing his pay;
In battle, 'tis chiefly in running away;
His diet consists of pure calabash soup;
One man is a regiment, two form a troop.
*Chinese believe that all rivers must flow eastward.
All ladies should bow, and men fold their arms;
A beldame's a maiden of unsurpassed charms.
Those only have doctors, who are anxious to die;
Those only tell truth, who infernally lie.
In the third month the warmth makes the green snow
And cotton is gathered from mulberry trees.
Those who are fasting eat sugar with meat;
A gourmand is one who's too lazy to eat.
When one has invited a friend home to dine,
'Tis an insult to ask him to take bread or wine.
When a person gets tipsy it's always on tea;
The favourite perch of a mule, is a tree.
On the top of a chair two stout bearers ride,
And carry the horse, who sits down inside.
In beating a gong, you a feather employ;
A man is a woman, a girl is a boy.
When one is merry, the eyes stream with tears;
When one is sad, the face smiling appears.
Anger is shown by a round beaming face;
A waddling or lop-sided movement is grace.
In the fourth month the autumn wind bitterly blows;
When the cock lays an egg, the hen loudly crows.
The sun and the moon always rise in the west;
Love-sickness is caused by a pain in the chest.
The fish is a bird; when it's angry it sings;
It builds in a tree, and its legs are all wings.
The horse is a quadruped having eight legs;
It burrows a hole-some one else lays its eggs.
The tiger 's an insect, it lives in the sea,
Its chief occupation is gathering tea.
A scholar's a person unable to read;
A dunce is a man very clever indeed.
The hair on a bald head is long, coarse, and thick;
An athlete is a cripple who walks with a stick.
A dummy is one who can fluently speak;
A straight-forward person's considered a sneak.
In the fifth month the weather is growing more cool;
The fool is a wise man, the wise man a fool.
A duck's egg is shaped like a gourd-calabash,— *
It takes twice to lay it, and costs fifty cash.
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