VOL. XXVI. (Second Series.)--September, 1895.-No. 153. kiyou to San Diego, from the Sierra to the sea," the name of summer resorts is legion. The Parson went up to the mountains and the Contributor down to the sea. The Reader sought the soft beauty of the lakes and the Editor the seclusion of the ranch. The Artist chose the springs and the Reviewer buried himself in the fragrant redwoods. The report of each on his return was enthusiastic, but later there appeared certain little rifts within the lute. A summer resort on this Coast is an anachronism. In July and August you leave the city to rid yourself of your winter clothes for a month - to get warm and not cool. In truth the breezes that sweep in through the Golden Gate leave nothing to be desired in bodily comfort. A few weeks of hot weather may be beneficial, but it has no pleasurable advantages for the ordinary work-a-day mortal. Monterey, Castle Crags, the Geysers, Vichy Springs, Blue Lakes, Tahoe, and a hundred. rivals, empty our homes once a year in response to an absurd fashion that one must go somewhere every summer. But not one out of the many returning pilgrims fails to draw a long, deep breath as he boards the boat at Tiburon, Sausalito, or Oakland, and to thank goodness that he is once more in a civilized climate. What was said by each in praise of his summer asylum, need not be chronicled here; it would fill many volumes and will no doubt be said later with numerous illustrations over well known signatures. There were remarks, however, that may be of benefit to the late hosts. The Contributor. "On the three hotels-first class, so advertised — in which I abided, I make the same criticism. But before I begin I wish it understood that I (Copyright, 1895, by OVERLAND MONTHLY PUBLISHING CO.) All rights reserved. Commercial Publishing Company, S. F. am not a proud man or a purse proud one. I am no better than my fellows, I do not belong to the Daughters of the Revolution or the Colonial Dames. All men are born equal and some deteriorate shortly after birth. In this land of equality I believe in associating with my equals only. I refuse to fraternize with the hiredhelp simply because I am roughing it." The Reader. "It shall be named the Code Contributor." The Contributor. "I soon found that when the 'donkey-boy' was not busy he was occupying the biggest chair and the coolest place on the veranda and was willing to waive the function of an introduction. As long as the guides were your paid companions you were reasonably thankful for their professional conversation, nothing more. The landlord's children were no doubt interesting and well dressed, but you are not paying sixteen dollars a week to make the summer pleasant for them. The waitresses at the public tables feel it their duty to supply your mental as well as your bodily wants. In short I have found that the comparative isolation of these secluded resorts tends to let down the bars between classes to the profit of neither." The Sanctum. "Agreed." The Contributor. "Good. Now what are we going to do about it?-stay away from the only true though small resorts, with their fishing, shooting, scenery, and equality, and go to the big caravansaries where the servants know their place and there is nothing in the world to do but dress for dinner or I have been thinking that we might formulate a letter and series of questions to be sent to our several landlords somewhat as follows: DEAR SIR: - The Sanctum desires to spend the summer next year at your charming resort. We have no objections to your remaining in your present position as manager during our sojourn. In fact we believe in every man knowing and keeping his place, but we would like to have fair answers in legible United States to the following queries :— I. How long a lease have you? If it is about to expire you need not answer what follows. We have troubles of our own and our supply of the milk of human kindness is "Limited," as the English write after their companies. 2. Are you in the habit of relating your personal history to every guest and what you know of the personal history of every other guest? If so, what are the chances of collecting a judgment from you in a suit for libel? 3. Is it absolutely necessary to be introduced to every one on the place the moment we arrive? If so, is there any special etiquette to be observed in regard to dress on that occasion? 4. Do you think that we shall be benefited by a close acquaintance with your "hands?" If so, is it proper to call them by their first names? 5. Are there any easy chairs or hammocks on the veranda that are not engaged for the season by the family and servants? If so, are they indicated? 6. Does the quality of the food depend on the number of the guests? If so, please send Menu marked "Exhibit A," maximum; "Exhibit B," minimum. 7. Who has the prior claim on the baths, the family or the guests? 8. Shall you bear us any grudge for asking these questions? 9. The Artist. "Before you submit number nine, I should like to remark that if the Contributor's questions are warranted by his experience I think it would be just as well to stay at home." The Poet. "Not having depleted my pocket-book, ruined my digestion, or spoiled my temper, at any summer resort this year, I think I may pose as a disinterested party. Last year was enough. I decided after discovering that the 'help' at one place were recruited from an almshouse and home for incurables, the butter salted, the eggs packed, the weather 110° in the shade,—no fruit, no ice, nothing but dust and the country newspaper,- that I was far too select for my fellow sufferers. I have noticed that most resorts are has beens' or 'going to bes,' and one is worse than the other. Not having any taste for the one or two big resorts in the State that are run for the benefit of the dressmaker and the haberdasher, I spent my afternoons on my wheel in the Park." The Contributor. "I refuse to accept any such interpretation of my proposed catechism. I wish it understood that I have been well treated wherever I have gone throughout California, and that I expect and rather enjoy a thorn with my roses." THE Poet. "I hold in my hand a poetic tragedy entitled The Romance of Lord Earlcat.' It came to me accompanied with the following letter: DEARE SANKTUM POAT NEPHIE CITY, Utah, Mar. 12. I hav some chice peaces of poems which I wood like to find a perchier if you publis souch things as poems in your magazine if you do pheraps you wood perches some of mine if you think u wood i could male you some samples of my riting and you could return them to me if you do not wish to take them an if you do wish to take them rite an let me kno abot whate prices u culd take them at our hul fambly is poats i am the prize wone. The Reader has no romance in his soul, or The Romance of Lord Earlcat would not be scorned. As it is I appeal to the Sanctum. I will not read the seventy-four verses, but will confine myself to selections and supply the story in my own words as I proceed. Are you ready?" The Sanctum. "Aye! Aye!" THE ROMANCE OF LORD EARLCAT. once thare livd a maiden young and verry fare proud of her posesians none with her could compair and untill lord earlcat came this made to woe all Suters ware neglected and declined with Lofty air the wedding day it had arrived and the guests was waiting to In the summer-house this maid with heart in her hand she held a misive she did not cry she did not screem and Face her guests again She ran into the summer house to cool her heated brain her heart threads was so bent ah tears would ease her pain bowed down discovers the leader As she listens to his tale a of a band of robbers who is intent on her dowry. bright thought takes possession of her. she gazed into his dark blue eyes I will i will she cryes would u wed a noble lady and I can meat my waiting friends a wedding After two verses more the robber consents and the wedding takes place to the profound mortification of her many rivals. the proud and hauty heroin how well she played her part could her fare friends have peeped into her proud but breaking hart. with good bys and well wishes she leaves the Deare old home her husband and what a In the next five verses the bridegroom reviews his past life with many blushes and won by the sad face of his mistress he strives to raise himself in her eyes: he brought her books and flowers to his deep and manly Voice. However, she frankly tells him that she could have loved him if he had been of gentle birth, and in doing so, so far forgets herself as to call him by his first name Gerald at which "a smile creeps ore his face." they traveled far they traveled near when one day chanced to meet a stranger who with outstretched arms Whereupon the cat was out of the bag. It was the quondam robber's father, the noble Lord Milford. The prodigal is forgiven and the wife introduced in a most touching verse. Lord Milford is captivated by the fair bride's beauty. At this happy moment the husband sinks on his knees before his love and speaks as follows: The Reviewer. i near will ask you for to love a husband once depraved enuf to rob a lady but o you have me saved arise my dearest husband for my love you shall not sue lord earlcat who thought to break my heart i loved but not like you I thought my love and idel rent my proud hart suffered tho darling i shall near Repent of marrying only you "The Reader must have a heart of stone. ' The Artist. "It strikes me that there is an ominous silence regarding the movements of the false Earlcat." The Reader. "His share in the romance that bears his name no doubt took place on his return to his fond wife and small felines. I'll bet cat' fur flew at Cat Castle." The Parson. "The Reader is determined that the title shall not be a misnomer.” The Office Boy. "Proof!" |