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cumstances. In the afternoon, heard Mr. Treat preach ; and was refreshed in conversation with him, in the evening.
Lord's day, Sept. 14. At the desire of Mr. Treat and the people, I preached both parts of the day (but short) from Luke xiv. 23. And the Lord said unto the servant, go out, &c. God gave me some freedom and warmth in my discourse; and I trust, belped me in some measure to labour in singleness of heart. Was much tired in the evening, but was comforted with the most tender treatment I ever met with in my life. My mind, through the whole of this day, was exceeding calm; and I could ask for nothing in prayer, with any encouragement of soul, but that “the will of God might be done.”
Monday, Sept. 15. Spent the whole day, in concert with Mr. Treat, in endeavours to compose a difference, subsisting between certain persons in the congregation where we now were; and there seemed to be a blessing on our endeavours. In the evening, baptized a child: was in a calm composed frame, and enjoyed, I trust, a spiritual sense of divine things, while administering the ordinance. Afterwards, spent the time in religious conversation, till late in the night. This was indeed a pleasant agreeable evening.
Tuesday, Sept. 16. Continued still at my friend's house, about twenty-five miles westward of Philadelphia. Was very weak, unable to perform any business, and scarcely able to sit up.
Wednesday, Sept. 17. Rode into Philadelphia. Still very weak, and my cough and spitting of blood continued. Enjoyed some agreeable conversation with friends, but wanted more spirituality
Thursday, Sept. 18. Went from Philadelphia to Mr. Treat's: was agreeably entertained on the road : and was in a sweet composed frame, in the evening.
Friday, Sept. 19. Rode from Mr. Treats to Mr. Stockston's at Prince-Town: was extreme weak, but kindly received and entertained. Spent the evening with some degree of satisfaction.
Saturday, Sept. 20. Arrived among my own people, just at night: found them praying together; went in, and gave them some account of God's dealings with me and my companions in the journey; which seemed affecting to them. I then prayed with them, and thought the divine presence was amongst us; divers were melted into tears, and seemed to have a sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to my lodgings, and felt much worn out, in the
evening. Thus God has carried me through the fatigues and perils of another journey to Susquahannah, and returned me again in safety, though under a great degree of bodily indisposition. Oh that my soul were truly thankful for renewed instances of mercy! Many hardships and distresses I endured in this journey! but the Lord supported me under them all.
AFTER HIS RETURN FROM HIS LAST JOURNEY TO SUSQUAHAN
NAH, UNTIL HIS DEATH. HTHERTO Mr. Brainerd had kept a constant diary, giving an account of what passed from day to day, with very little interruption : but henceforward his diary is very much interrupted by bis illness ; under which he was often brought so low, as either not to be capable of writing, or not well able to bear the burden of a care so constant, as was requisite, to recollect, every evening, what had passed in the day, and digest it, and set down an orderly account of it in writing. However, bis diary was not wholly neglected; but be took care, from time to time, to take some notice in it of the most material things concerning himself and the state of bis mind, even till within a few days of his death ; as the reader will see afterwards *.
Lord's day, Sept. 21, 1746. I was so weak I could not preach, nor pretend to ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon, rode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to my people from Rom. xiv, 7, 8. For none of us liveth to himself, &c. I was strengthened and helped in my discourse : and there appeared something agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired; but thankful, that I had been enabled to speak a word to my poor people I had
* Mr. Shepard, in his Select cases resolved, under the first case says as follows. "I bave lately known one rery able, wise and godly, put upon the rack, by bim that, envying God's people's peace, knows how to change himself into an angel of light ; for it being his usual course, in tbe time of his health to make a diary of his hourly life, and finding much benefit by it, he was in conscience pressed, by the power and delusion of Satan, to make and take the same daily survey of his lise in the time of his siekness ; by means of which he spent his enfeebled spirits, cast on fuel to fire his sickness. Had not a friend of his convinced him of his erroneous conscience misleading him at that time, he had murdered his body, out of conscience 10 save bis soul, and to preserve his grace. And do you think these were the motions of God's Spirit, which like those locusts, Rev. ix. 9, 10. had faces like men, but had tails like scorpions, and stings in their tails?”
been so long absent from. Was able to sleep very little this night, through weariness and pain. Oh, how blessed should I be, if the little I do were all done with right views! Oh that, “ whether I live, I might live to the Lord, &c."
Saturday, Sept. 27. Spent this day, as well as the whole week past, under a great degree of bodily weakness, exercised with a violent cough, and a considerable fever. I bad no appetite to any kind of food; and frequently brought up what I ate, as soon as it was down; and oftentimes had little rest in my bed, by reason of pains in my breast and back. I was able, however, to ride over to my people, about two miles, every day, and take some care of those who were then at work upon a small house for me to reside in amongst the Indians *. I was sometimes scarce able to walk, and never able to sit up the whole day, through the week. Was calm and composed, and but little exercised with melancholy damps, as in former seasons of weakness. Whether I should ever recover or no, seemed very doubtful; but this was many times a comfort to me, that life and death did not depend upon my choice. I was pleased to think, that he who is infinitely wise, had the determination of this matter; and that I had no trouble to consider and weigh things upon all sides, in order to make the choice, whether I should live or die. Thus my time was consumed; I had little strength to pray, none to write or read, and scarce any to meditate : but through divine goodness, I could with great composure look death in the face, and frequently with sensible joy. Oh, how blessed it is, to be habitually prepared for death! The Lord grant, that I may be actually ready also !
Lord's day, Sept. 28. Rode to my people; and, though under much weakness, attempted to preach from 2 Cor. xiii
. 5. Eramine yourselves, &c. Discoursed about half an hour; at which season divine power seemed to attend the word: but being extremely weak, I was obliged to desist : and after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rode to my lodgings ; where betaking myself to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and almost delirious, for several hours ; till towards morning, my fever went off with a violent sweat. I have often been feverish, and unable to rest quietly after preaching; but this was the most severe distressing turn, that ever preaching brought upon
Yet I felt perfectly at rest in my own mind, because I had made my utmost attempts to speak for God, and knew I could do no more.
* This was the fourth house he built for his residence among the Indians. Be: d’s that at Knummumeek, and that at the Forks of Delaware, and another a: Cros. weeksung, he buili one now at Cranbury.
Tuesday, Sept. 30. Yesterday, and to-day, was in the same weak state, or rather weaker than in days past; was scarce able to sit up half the day. Was in a composed frame of mind, remarkably free from dejection and melancholy damps; as God has been pleased, in a great measure, to deliver me froin these unhappy glooms, in the general course of my present weakness hitherto, and also from a peevish froward spirit. And Oh how great a mercy is this! Oh that I might always be perfectly quiet in seasons of greatest weakness, although nature should sink and fail! Oh that I may always be able with utmost sincerity to say, “Lord, not my will, but thine be done!" This, through grace, I can say at present, with regard to life or death, “The Lord do with me as seems good in bis sight;" that whether I live or die, I may glorify him, who is “ worthy to receive blessing, and honour, and dominion for ever. Amen.”
Saturday, Oct. 4. Spent the former part of this week under a great degree of infirmity and disorder, as I had done several weeks before : was able, however, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half the day, till Thursday. Took some care daily of some persons at work upon my house. On Friday afternoon, found myself wonderfully revived and strengthened ; and having some time before given notice to my people, and those of them at the Forks of Delaware in particular, that I designed with leave of Providence, to administer the sacrament of the Lord's supper upon the first Sabbath in October, the Sabbath now approaching, on Friday afternoon I preached, preparatory to the sacrament, from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. finishing what I had proposed to offer upon the subject the Sabbath before. The sermon was blessed of God to the stirring up religious affection, and a spirit of devotion, in the people of God; and to the greatly affecting one who had backslidden from God, which caused him to judge and condemn himself. I was surprisingly strengthened in my work, while I was speaking: but was obliged immediately after to repair to bed, being now removed into my own house among the Indians; wbich gave me such speedy relief and refreshment, as I could not well have lived without. Spent some time on Friday night in conversing with my people about divine things, as I lay upon my bed; and found my soul refreshed, though my body was weak. This being Saturday, I discoursed particuJarly with divers of the communicants; and this afternoon preached from Zech. sii. 10. And I will pour on the house of David, &c. There seemed to be a tender melting, and hearty mourning for sin, in numbers in the congregation. My soul was in a comfortable frame, and I enjoyed freedom and assist. ance in public service; was myself, as well as most of the congregation, much affected with the humble confession, and apparent broken-heartedness of the forementioned backslider : and could not but rejoice, that God had given him such a sense of his sin and unworthiness. Was extremely tired in the evening; but lay on my bed, and discoursed to my people.
Lord's day, Oct. 5. Was still very weak; and in the morning, considerably afraid I should not be able to go through the work of the day; having much to do, both in private and public. Discoursed before the administration of the sacrament, from John i. 29. “Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world.” Where I considered, I. In what respects Christ is called the Lamb of God; and observed that he is so called, (1.) From the purity and innocency of his nature. (2.) From his meekness and patience under sufferings. (3.) From his being that atonement, which was pointed out in the sacrifice of lambs, and in particular by the paschal lamb. II. Considered how and in what sense he “takes away the sin of the world :" and observed, that the means and manner, in and by which he takes
away the sins of men, was his "giving himself for them," doing and suffering in their room and stead, &c. And he is said to take away the sin of the world, not because all the world shall actually be redeemed from sin by him; but because, (1.) He has done and suffered sufficient to answer for the sins of the world, and so to redeem all mankind. (2.) He actually does take away the sins of the elect world. And, III. Considered how we are to behold him, in order to have our sins taken away. (1.) Not with our bodily eyes. Nor, (2.) By imagining him on the cross, &c. But by a spiritual view of his glory and goodness, engaging the soul to rely on him, &c.The divine presence attended this discourse, and the assembly was considerably melted with divine truths. After sermon baptized two persons. Then administered the Lord's supper to near forty communicants, of the Indians, besides divers dear Christians of the white people. It seemed to be a season of divine power and grace; and numbers seemed to rejoice in God. Oh, the sweet union and harmony then appearing among the religious people! My soul was refreshed, and my religious friends, of the white people, with me. After the sacrament, could scarcely get home, though it was not more than twenty roods; but was supported and led by my friends, and laid on my bed; where I lay in pain till some time in the